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It’s imperative for one to identify when a friend is exhibiting toxic behaviour and when it’s time to move on, as our own well-being should be our first priority.
Moving on from toxic friendships does not include assigning blame or holding bitterness. It’s about accepting that relationships change and that sometimes moving apart is the best consequence. Individuals can establish a social circle that supports their well-being and personal development by recognizing subtle signals of toxic behavior and utilizing smart disengagement tactics. Remember that the quality of your friendships has a huge impact on the quality of your life; make good choices and cultivate relationships that bring out the best in you.
Dr Chandni Tugnait, MD (A.M) Psychotherapist, Life Alchemist, Coach & Healer, Founder & Director, of Gateway of Healing shares the insights of a toxic friendship
Subtle signs of toxic friendships
● Emotional vampirism: An often overlooked sign is “emotional vampirism.” These friends continuously drain your emotional energy without providing any assistance. While they may not publicly criticise you, their persistent demand for approval and attention leaves you exhausted after each interaction. This imbalance can be especially deceiving because it frequently masquerades as closeness or dependency.
● Friendship inflation effect: Some toxic friends overestimate the depth or duration of your friendship to control your emotions or behaviour. They may frequently utilise phrases like “After all we’ve been through…” or “As your oldest friend…” to instill a sense of obligation, even if the relationship does not warrant such statements.
● Competitive care: This subtle sign happens when a friend acts supportive yet frequently outperforms you in difficulties or successes. If you relate a personal difficulty, they will immediately respond with a more dramatic anecdote, thereby hijacking the conversation and downplaying your experience.
● False scarcity tactic: Certain toxic friends establish an artificial sense of exclusivity in the relationship, making you feel special to be part of their inner circle. This can lead to condoning bad behaviour for fear of losing this “special” status.
Strategies for Moving On
● The Gradual Fade: Instead of abruptly cutting ties, slowly reduce the frequency and depth of interactions. This approach allows for a natural distancing without the drama of a confrontational breakup.
● Communication Boundaries: Implement clear limits on discussion topics and interaction frequency. For instance, decide to no longer engage in gossip or limit check-ins to once a week.
● The Reciprocity Reset: Match the level of effort and investment your friend puts into the relationship. This can either balance the friendship or naturally lead to its conclusion if the other person isn’t willing to reciprocate.
● Self-Compassion Affirmations: For those grappling with guilt over ending a friendship, regularly practice self-compassion affirmations. Remind yourself that prioritising your well-being is necessary for maintaining healthy relationships in all areas of life.
● The Relationship Audit Technique: Periodically assess your friendships, evaluating how each aligns with your values and contributes to your growth. This proactive approach can help identify potential issues before they become deeply entrenched.
